


mama, it's a war out there

by kinqcrow



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Timelines, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Suicide, gross gross gross gross gGROSs, only for the XX route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 10:50:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1547975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinqcrow/pseuds/kinqcrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>time travel exists</p>
            </blockquote>





	mama, it's a war out there

He doesn't remember, doesn't know why this is happening.

The first time his head splits into two as he feels something warm and blocky being shoved between the hemisphere of his brain and it hurts, and he can't even fathom anything else that happens because he is a whirlwind of feeling; hesitant muscle movement and clunky writing.

The first time, he's with a lot of kids, and he thinks that he should know their names, but he doesn't, and it bothers him a lot as he stares each one quizzically. They're all laughing, smiling, and he is too. He doesn't know anything else besides the soothing ebb of happiness gently massaging the ache in his chest, soft push and pulls of quiet lulling motions. He doesn't know what else to do, so he walks with them.

And the girl on his phone, Ene, she says, _master, we should go on the roller coaster. Please- you promised._

In the end he loses whatever was in his stomach, and he thinks he's going to puke again, thinks he's going to faint under his hot burning sun.

He thinks he's going to faint when the liar falls down, the bullet falling just into his line of sight. He can't move, can't think, and someone is screaming behind him as bodies fall down one by one. The gun is pointed right at him. The man in black pulls the trigger.

He wakes up to the sun dimly setting, the classroom empty besides him and Ayano. She smiles at him, saying something about falling asleep, and he sees a mess of papers, of tests. Sees paper cranes on his desk. 

His last thought is that he needs to go back. In time. To fix that mess, because he, he cares about those people somehow, like they were more than just nameless strangers.

( _but you cannot go back in time. this is reality._ )

 

 

The second time he sees Haruka. And then maybe not-Haruka. And then he sees a devil.

He's locked in his room (or did he lock himself out from the world?), and his heart hurts, like a ten ton brick is weighing him down onto reality. He notices his computer screen is cracked, a permanent shade of grey, and the silence drives madness into his brain. It feels like he's drowning twelve feet underwater and he can't breathe but all he wants to do is _scream_ until that's the only thing left in this monotonous world that he can hold on to.

He blames himself for everything.

He wonders if he was always like this, but it is too late, and the blade slashes through his throat.

 

 

The third time is weird, he thinks, because his mind feels foggy, and how did he get in his room? He thinks he should know, thinks that he's forgotten something very, very important. It's like he just woke up from a long sleep, because he's really tired and his bones ache a bit, but he's been sitting in the same chair he sits in everyday for a while now. It only occurs to him that _this time it is not a dream_. But he's confused- he could really care less about anything in this tiny fraction of a moment.

So he stares at the computer, wondering what was those were. Those dreams- hallucinations, whatever. He stares at his computer, and he sees this email pop up. He doesn't know who it's from, and this whole entire moment feels nostalgic, and he wonders why.

He looks out the window, sees the fair summer weather continue on, and thinks about how hot it is today.

He thinks about her, falling, can't help but wonder if the warm, sunshine-covered Ayano felt this pleasant while dying, and opens the attachment.

He thinks, _I want a soda right now_.

He thinks,  _I'm going to need to finish that song soon_.

 

He begins the download.

 

He thinks, _today is going to be a great day_.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday


End file.
